Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
