My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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