1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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