half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
