i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
