I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
