you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
