I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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