Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
