this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
ugly people sure do ruin things
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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