Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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