Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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