dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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