whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay