i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.