apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.