The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
