omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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