The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
this will be a night to untag.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
