...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
