i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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