By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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