I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
