I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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