It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Welp...herpes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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