Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
