Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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