Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
