never play flip cup with pint glasses
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
