went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you win again, gameday.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
