SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
