Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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