I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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