If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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