Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
