I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
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