Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
