I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
