i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
