After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
