Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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