In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
