I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
