it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
