i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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