I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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