I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
