wakey wakey hands off snakey
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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