boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
