we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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