I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
