So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
