The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
