Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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