i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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