Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she told me i tasted like america
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
