ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
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That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
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I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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