I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need to calm my uterus...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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